Monday, August 27, 2007


Jan is back in the hospital with a dizziness and lack of balance that no one can explain.

SinceWednesday she has undergone many tests (CT scans, ultrasounds,ECGs, Dopler, etc.) to find some cause to this problem. She was kept in the hospital because of her aneurysm; dizziness and change invision are two of the five major symptoms of a stroke. So the doctors decided to act with caution and admitted her on Thursday.

She is in a good spirit and impatient to get some answers. So am I.

My first reaction was to act small, complaining about the medical systemand the MDs about their wishy-whashy answers, being impatient with the nurses and with the commotion of the Emergency Room. As if anyone had the power to puch a button and stop the ocean of pain that floods the ERs. But then, I realized that I was the one who called 911!! and that these people were doing the best they can under incredibly stressful circumstances.

The second day, realizingthat this was not going to be solved right away, I decided to change my mod and see this situation as a chance to react with integrity. She is now in a quiet room with a beautiful view of the lake.

What Jan needs most ispeople who bring her energy, not people who drains her of her energy,and when I act from my smallness this really drains her from her energy. I have made the point of keeping all my conversations with her aligned with my purpose of being an energy-giver to her. So far so good.

We keep very close to each other and we both have deepened our faith regardless of the challenges and outcomes. I find this very liberating.

I will have to keep balancing my regular life with spending time withJan. It is possible that I won't post much in the next few days, butI wanted to at least share with you my whereabouts and my current main struggle. I want to participate fully with Jan these days and be compassionate with her and with myself.

In these days of extraordinary circumstances, I need to use extraordinary lessons.


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