Benefit Dance for Jan!
Another reminder for the benefit dance for Jan.
Call, call, call, call and get your tickets!
RSVP (see previous blog for more information)
Tickets will also be available at the door Your attendance will be very much appreciated by Jan. We are still in great need of items or services for our raffles, silent auction and games. These items could include gift certificates and new household items, anything sports, crafts, gift baskets etc. Go together with a friend or a group,
Date: November 4, 2006
Time: 7:00 P.M.
Place: Masonic Hall, 24 James Street East, Orillia, Ontario
If you can't make it to the benefit dance and you would still like to make a donation please make cheques payable to "Jan Walton" and mail to her cousin:
Angela Black, 301 French Street, Oshawa, Ontario L1G 5N4
*************************
Dear Janushka Mirianov Waltonski:
Yeah, this name is a term of endearment, an alternative to calling you honey, a way of honoring your spirit full of adventure.
We went to Lindsay to do some minor repairs to the house and ended staying overnight. Enjoyed the hospitality of your neighbours and had a wonderful visit with Anne. It is overwhelming to see how much they love you, I am sure at some point in time you loved them lots as well. May God multiply this love which must come from him in the first place.
I feel very moved by your reactions everytime we travel outside of Toronto. Is as if an eagle would have been set free from a cage: your face lights, your breath slows down, the wings of your soul open and all of you soar high, efortlessly gliding in that space between the palpitant brown earth and the blue sky. You are a woman of open spaces and expansive skies, of woods and rolling hills; your heart carries the the beat of the rain and sings the song of the flowers, of the wheat fields, of the corn, a song to the maker of all. On the way back we were given a spectacle with a breathtaking sunset. You know how much in "sync" you feel out there, but also you know that you have a call to work in the city for now.
When we got home we received a call from Sue, she shared the touching news of a pianinst who met you 12 years ago and has not seen you since, who heard about your ordeal and sent a generous donation for the dance! We all were very moved and took this as another statement about you, about how much people love you because you truly, earnestly, abundantly loved them .
-Fede
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Dance till you drop
Benefit Dance for Jan!
Another reminder for the benefit dance for Jan.
Call, call, call, call and get your tickets! RSVP
Fede & Jan fede_carrillo@yahoo.ca
Tina Larsen, Orillia 705-326-5516
Louise Erhart louise.erhart054@ sympatico.ca
Angela Black 905-432-3426 or garden.junkie@hotmail.com
Tickets: $15 each or $25 a couple. RSVP
Tickets will also be available at the door
Your attendance is is critical, not only to help raise money but to show Jan how much we really care! Jan is expecting to see all her friends and family joined together. Give back to Jan who has given so much of herself to others.
We are still in great need of items or services for our raffles, silent auction and games. These items could include gift certificates and new household items, anything sports, crafts, gift baskets etc. Go together with a friend or a group, be creative, be unusual!
Date: November 4, 2006
Time: 7:00 P.M. This is an early start for people who are from out of town.
Place: Masonic Hall,
24 James Street East,
Orillia, Ontario
If you can't make it to the benefit dance and you would still like to make a donation please make cheques payable to "Jan Walton" and mail to: Angela Black, 301 French Street, Oshawa, Ontario L1G 5N4
Another reminder for the benefit dance for Jan.
Call, call, call, call and get your tickets! RSVP
Fede & Jan fede_carrillo@yahoo.ca
Tina Larsen, Orillia 705-326-5516
Louise Erhart louise.erhart054@ sympatico.ca
Angela Black 905-432-3426 or garden.junkie@hotmail.com
Tickets: $15 each or $25 a couple. RSVP
Tickets will also be available at the door
Your attendance is is critical, not only to help raise money but to show Jan how much we really care! Jan is expecting to see all her friends and family joined together. Give back to Jan who has given so much of herself to others.
We are still in great need of items or services for our raffles, silent auction and games. These items could include gift certificates and new household items, anything sports, crafts, gift baskets etc. Go together with a friend or a group, be creative, be unusual!
Date: November 4, 2006
Time: 7:00 P.M. This is an early start for people who are from out of town.
Place: Masonic Hall,
24 James Street East,
Orillia, Ontario
If you can't make it to the benefit dance and you would still like to make a donation please make cheques payable to "Jan Walton" and mail to: Angela Black, 301 French Street, Oshawa, Ontario L1G 5N4
Going home
Oct 27
Dear Jan,
You are so full of expectation for the dance next week, hoping that you will see all of your friends there, that after a hard day yesterday, your smile just brightens my day. It is wonderful to see you on the phone leaving messages to your friends about the dance, explaining the purpose of the event, encouraging them not to miss the chance to come to enjoy an evening with you. The difference between your speech today compared to where you were five months ago is just unbelievable.
I hope many of your friends will come and have the opportunity to see the miracle you are.
I am thankful for days like this, when we get a break from pain.
-Fede
************
Oct 26
Dear Jan,
Our hearts broke last night.
We know life is not meant to be easy or free of pain, anybody who says so is misguided or lying. But life is also not only hardships; no one could survive it if there was no respite. We all need of God's grace and comfort to give our hearts some hope to go on living the day-to-day life. We know that under hardship faith becomes handy. I know your faith is also evident in the good and bright days. But last night we just couldn't find the light... we couldn't reach some peace. Yesterday was a rough sea full of frustration, high waves that tossed us around like leaves. We know that all this is temporary, that the suffering has and end, that it builds character, that we just have to hang on and have enough faith to go through it. We know all this, but in the middle of it, nothing makes sense and we just wanted it to end... You went to bed crying of fatigue and frustration. I always fell clumsy and at a loss of words when you cry, but I tried to tell you some comforting words. Then you said that you wanted to go home, that you could not take it anymore. I told you that you were in your home and you replied, "I want to go to home with God" I froze. I was desperately looking for something intelligent to say but felt like I was the one with aphasia; I just couldn't find what to tell you. Finally, I said, "I am sorry to see you so sad, I can't imagine how tired of all this you must feel to want to go home"; you said, "thank you". I took a deep breath very relieved and we continued talking for a while. You felt heard and I felt included in your pain, we both felt embraced by each other, and we both cried. We knew that the pain was still there, the feeling to go home was still there, but somehow we also knew that whether God decided to take you home or leave you here for a while longer we had each other in the meantime.
Yes, your pain broke my heart and yours.
This morning we pieced our hearts together and with a little spark of hope, we thanked God for giving us another day...
-Fede
Dear Jan,
You are so full of expectation for the dance next week, hoping that you will see all of your friends there, that after a hard day yesterday, your smile just brightens my day. It is wonderful to see you on the phone leaving messages to your friends about the dance, explaining the purpose of the event, encouraging them not to miss the chance to come to enjoy an evening with you. The difference between your speech today compared to where you were five months ago is just unbelievable.
I hope many of your friends will come and have the opportunity to see the miracle you are.
I am thankful for days like this, when we get a break from pain.
-Fede
************
Oct 26
Dear Jan,
Our hearts broke last night.
We know life is not meant to be easy or free of pain, anybody who says so is misguided or lying. But life is also not only hardships; no one could survive it if there was no respite. We all need of God's grace and comfort to give our hearts some hope to go on living the day-to-day life. We know that under hardship faith becomes handy. I know your faith is also evident in the good and bright days. But last night we just couldn't find the light... we couldn't reach some peace. Yesterday was a rough sea full of frustration, high waves that tossed us around like leaves. We know that all this is temporary, that the suffering has and end, that it builds character, that we just have to hang on and have enough faith to go through it. We know all this, but in the middle of it, nothing makes sense and we just wanted it to end... You went to bed crying of fatigue and frustration. I always fell clumsy and at a loss of words when you cry, but I tried to tell you some comforting words. Then you said that you wanted to go home, that you could not take it anymore. I told you that you were in your home and you replied, "I want to go to home with God" I froze. I was desperately looking for something intelligent to say but felt like I was the one with aphasia; I just couldn't find what to tell you. Finally, I said, "I am sorry to see you so sad, I can't imagine how tired of all this you must feel to want to go home"; you said, "thank you". I took a deep breath very relieved and we continued talking for a while. You felt heard and I felt included in your pain, we both felt embraced by each other, and we both cried. We knew that the pain was still there, the feeling to go home was still there, but somehow we also knew that whether God decided to take you home or leave you here for a while longer we had each other in the meantime.
Yes, your pain broke my heart and yours.
This morning we pieced our hearts together and with a little spark of hope, we thanked God for giving us another day...
-Fede
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Oct 15 to 25
>>>>>SEE NOTICE FOR DANCE BELOW<<<<<
October 21
Dear Jan,
Tonight was the Fall Dance at Runnymede. I don’t know how you feel, but I love being among the youngest in an event! Nevertheless, what I will remember from this night for a long time is to see you dancing and laughing. So amazing!
I had kept the time open but was not sure if you would feel like going. I was wrong again! You were the one that kept mentioning the dance since we got up this morning. You were more concerned about how to match your shoes with your dress than about Aphasia or any other condition. It was priceless.
Just before we changed to go to the dance, you said that you were a bit anxious. It was eight months and nine days ago the last time we were getting ready for another dance… same time of the week, same time of the day, different month, different day but the same couple, repeating the same motions that for a moment felt ominous. We didn’t know then what we know now. That evening, not even the emergency workers that came with the ambulance had any idea that you were having a brain hemorrhage or the staff at the emergency room that first got an ECG thinking that maybe you had cardiac arrest. But now we know the risks, the symptoms and the consequences.
We continued getting dressed for the occasion. For a while I was very quiet, as if avoiding any sound or extra words would keep you safer. It is so tempting to deny how fragile we are, “like the wild flowers in the fields”. It is easier to just build a fantasy and believe that that nothing can happen to us; that we are good citizens and pay our taxes; therefore we have the right to expect a safe and bountiful life. But we both know that is not the case, that in life we must expect everything including illness. So, after a while we changed our attitudes and began taking animatedly about the dance. We were going to live life with faith and without fear. We were going to have a good time.
We danced four or five songs, eat some junk food and drank soda drinks. We held each other and felt the music penetrating our skins, reaching our bones. Just being there at the dance was like having battled with our inner monsters and defeated them. Freedom from fear is exhilarating. After a couple of hours you decided you have had enough and we went home happy and filled with hopes for the future.
-Fede
*****************
October 20
Dear Jan,
For several weeks we were waiting for this day. We met with the whole team at Bridgepoint for a family meeting. This happens when the end of the treatment is near. Indeed, they were planning to bring all the treatments to a closing by the end of October, however, because of the remarkable progress you have made in the past three to four months, they decided to extend out-patient services for another two to three weeks. They also included physiotherapy in the hospital’s swimming pool.
Every therapist presented their report. All agreed on the marked progress they see in you. Very refreshing and uplifting to hear all of the “experts” that you have gained so much, and the hope that you will continue .
I got two lessons from this meeting,
One, that these type of medicine and techniques (allopathic) to help in your rehabilitation were the best option after the operation. However, they are leaving the process when there is still a lot to restore and rebuild in you.
Two, that naturopathy seems like an ideal continuation of the healing when the “fixing: has stopped and what your brain requires more action that can’t be offered by institutional medicare.
You were so happy to hear about your progress. You also are looking forward to try another approach to rebuilding your brain by using glycoscience. We are walking into another stage with lots of hope and support from all.
-Fede
Benefit Dance for Jan!
TICKETS: $15 each or $25 a couple
DATE: November 4, 2006
TIME : 7:00 P.M. This is an early start for people who are from out of town. Please try to be on time.
PLACE: Masonic Hall, 24 James Street East, Orillia, Ontario
CONTACT:
Fede & Jan fede_carrillo -at- yahoo.ca
Tina Larsen Orillia 705-326-5516
Louise Erhart louise.erhart054 -at- sympatico.ca
Angela Black 905-432-3426 or garden.junkie -at- hotmail.com
(Note: replace -at- with @ for the actual email addresses.)
Tickets will also be available at the door, however if you do plan to purchase your ticket at the door, it would be very much appreciated if you could email or call to let us know you're coming.
Attendance to this function is critical, not only to help raise money but to show Jan how much we really care! Just imagine how Jan is going to feel when she sees all her friends and family joined together in so much love and support? This is the opportunity we've all be waiting for, let's give back to the Jan who has given so much of herself to others.We are still in great need of items or services for our raffles, silent auction and games. These items could include gift certificates and new household items, anything sports, crafts, gift baskets etc. Go together with a friend or a group, be creative, be unusual! If anyone can help out please email me at garden.junkie -at- hotmail.com (note the . and replace -at- with @)
Please bring cash ATM not availableBuffet: To be served at approximately 10:00 P.M.Cash BarIf you can't make it to the benefit dance and you would still like to make a donation please make cheques payable to "Jan Walton" and mail to:
Angela Black
301 French Street
Oshawa, Ontario
L1G 5N4
October 21
Dear Jan,
Tonight was the Fall Dance at Runnymede. I don’t know how you feel, but I love being among the youngest in an event! Nevertheless, what I will remember from this night for a long time is to see you dancing and laughing. So amazing!
I had kept the time open but was not sure if you would feel like going. I was wrong again! You were the one that kept mentioning the dance since we got up this morning. You were more concerned about how to match your shoes with your dress than about Aphasia or any other condition. It was priceless.
Just before we changed to go to the dance, you said that you were a bit anxious. It was eight months and nine days ago the last time we were getting ready for another dance… same time of the week, same time of the day, different month, different day but the same couple, repeating the same motions that for a moment felt ominous. We didn’t know then what we know now. That evening, not even the emergency workers that came with the ambulance had any idea that you were having a brain hemorrhage or the staff at the emergency room that first got an ECG thinking that maybe you had cardiac arrest. But now we know the risks, the symptoms and the consequences.
We continued getting dressed for the occasion. For a while I was very quiet, as if avoiding any sound or extra words would keep you safer. It is so tempting to deny how fragile we are, “like the wild flowers in the fields”. It is easier to just build a fantasy and believe that that nothing can happen to us; that we are good citizens and pay our taxes; therefore we have the right to expect a safe and bountiful life. But we both know that is not the case, that in life we must expect everything including illness. So, after a while we changed our attitudes and began taking animatedly about the dance. We were going to live life with faith and without fear. We were going to have a good time.
We danced four or five songs, eat some junk food and drank soda drinks. We held each other and felt the music penetrating our skins, reaching our bones. Just being there at the dance was like having battled with our inner monsters and defeated them. Freedom from fear is exhilarating. After a couple of hours you decided you have had enough and we went home happy and filled with hopes for the future.
-Fede
*****************
October 20
Dear Jan,
For several weeks we were waiting for this day. We met with the whole team at Bridgepoint for a family meeting. This happens when the end of the treatment is near. Indeed, they were planning to bring all the treatments to a closing by the end of October, however, because of the remarkable progress you have made in the past three to four months, they decided to extend out-patient services for another two to three weeks. They also included physiotherapy in the hospital’s swimming pool.
Every therapist presented their report. All agreed on the marked progress they see in you. Very refreshing and uplifting to hear all of the “experts” that you have gained so much, and the hope that you will continue .
I got two lessons from this meeting,
One, that these type of medicine and techniques (allopathic) to help in your rehabilitation were the best option after the operation. However, they are leaving the process when there is still a lot to restore and rebuild in you.
Two, that naturopathy seems like an ideal continuation of the healing when the “fixing: has stopped and what your brain requires more action that can’t be offered by institutional medicare.
You were so happy to hear about your progress. You also are looking forward to try another approach to rebuilding your brain by using glycoscience. We are walking into another stage with lots of hope and support from all.
-Fede
Benefit Dance for Jan!
TICKETS: $15 each or $25 a couple
DATE: November 4, 2006
TIME : 7:00 P.M. This is an early start for people who are from out of town. Please try to be on time.
PLACE: Masonic Hall, 24 James Street East, Orillia, Ontario
CONTACT:
Fede & Jan fede_carrillo -at- yahoo.ca
Tina Larsen Orillia 705-326-5516
Louise Erhart louise.erhart054 -at- sympatico.ca
Angela Black 905-432-3426 or garden.junkie -at- hotmail.com
(Note: replace -at- with @ for the actual email addresses.)
Tickets will also be available at the door, however if you do plan to purchase your ticket at the door, it would be very much appreciated if you could email or call to let us know you're coming.
Attendance to this function is critical, not only to help raise money but to show Jan how much we really care! Just imagine how Jan is going to feel when she sees all her friends and family joined together in so much love and support? This is the opportunity we've all be waiting for, let's give back to the Jan who has given so much of herself to others.We are still in great need of items or services for our raffles, silent auction and games. These items could include gift certificates and new household items, anything sports, crafts, gift baskets etc. Go together with a friend or a group, be creative, be unusual! If anyone can help out please email me at garden.junkie -at- hotmail.com (note the . and replace -at- with @)
Please bring cash ATM not availableBuffet: To be served at approximately 10:00 P.M.Cash BarIf you can't make it to the benefit dance and you would still like to make a donation please make cheques payable to "Jan Walton" and mail to:
Angela Black
301 French Street
Oshawa, Ontario
L1G 5N4
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Benefit Dance for Jan!
Hello Everyone.
It's me again, Angela, Jan's cousin. I just wanted to remind everyone about the benefit dance for Jan. Plans are well underway, tickets are now available at $15 each or $25 a couple through the following means:
Fede & Jan fede_carrillo -at-
Tina Larsen Orillia 705-326-5516
Louise Erhart louise.erhart054 -at-
Angela Black 905-432-3426 or garden.junkie -at-
(Note: replace -at-
Tickets will also be available at the door, however if you do plan to purchase your ticket at the door, it would be very much appreciated if you could email or call me to let me know you're coming. This way I will be more able to judge for food and the bar.
Attendance to this function is critical, not only to help raise money but to show Jan how much we really care! Just imagine how Jan is going to feel when she sees all her friends and family joined together in so much love and support? This is the opportunity we've all be waiting for, let's give back to the Jan who has given so much of herself to others.
We are still in great need of items or services for our raffles, silent auction and games. These items could include gift certificates and new household items, anything sports, crafts, gift baskets etc. Go together with a friend or a group, be creative, be unusual! If anyone can help out please email me at garden.junkie -at-
Date: November 4, 2006
Time: 7:00 P.M. This is an early start for people who are from out of town. Please try to be on time.
Place: Masonic Hall, 24 James Street East, Orillia, Ontario
Please bring cash ATM not available
Buffet: To be served at approximately 10:00 P.M.
Cash Bar
If you can't make it to the benefit dance and you would still like to make a donation please make cheques payable to "Jan Walton" and mail to:
Angela Black
301 French Street
Oshawa, Ontario
L1G 5N4
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Blogs Oct 5-15
October 15
My loved Jan,
You decided not to go to "Sunday Night". Everyone missed you.
I am overwhelmed to hear that you are so present in so many hearts... but I am not surprised because you know how to be a friend. You take the risks in the name of friendship of opening up, following up, giving and sometimes not getting anything in return. That is the mystery of friendship, no one knows who will be your closes friend in the next five or ten years. It just happens. But for people like yourself, it seems easier. And as the saying goes: "a friend in need is a friend indeed", you have received so much love from your friends since the aneurysm, and the whole community keeps you in their prayers.
Your decision not to go was fatigue. All of us know that this will be one of the most lasting symptoms of your healing. The brain seem to use so much of the energy that your stamina just drops like a stone in the river. One minute you are engaged in lively discussion, the next you are without energy. Is it the medication? But then again, without it the risks seem greater. What a conundrum!
-Fede
*********************
October 11
Dear Jan,
You've been having a rough start of the week. First, there was a big "kafuffle" with our passenger on the way to the Thanksgiving dinner in Barrie. Something said that you took as a criticism ignited a very emotional response from you. I am sorry that it took away some of the happiness from the dinner.
I am more intrigued with how your perception is affected when you are under stress. It is as if your brain decided what you hear regardless of what your interlocutor says. I was more concerned that when we discussed the issue the following day under a more friendly and relaxed atmosphere, you still denied the content of the conversation. Something in the comprehension of spoken speech is still under repair... I write this to remind you that we all love you anyways, regardless of the miscommunications and perceived impatience from our part that you experience... I am the first culprit on this one, but I also have more practice in not taking your reactions personally, but rather as a product of the current healing that its going on in your brain. Others are learning the "occupational risks" of providing support of getting close to you. I really admire and deeply thank those friends with whom you feel accepted and have wonderful conversations, in particular those who come on regular basis to keep you company. God bless them all.
On another topic, I imagine these thousands of microscopic "Fragglerock-like" creatures in their overalls, all wearing their safety helmets and steel-toe boots, moving up and down the ladders and scaffolding, reconnecting the broken neuropaths and replacing the damaged neurons... It is really a miracle what is happening inside your brain.
So, I pray that the love expressed in so many ways by all your friends can contribute also to the healing.
-Fede
*************
October 8
Dear Jan,
Yesterday we went for brunch with Steve and Sue. You had the Eggs Benedict that you liked (more evidence of your memory) from the last time we went with them about a month ago.You laugh a lot now with both sides of your mouth. Until recently, the right side of your body has been dormant. All the muscles are fine, but the brain is still working on connecting sensation and control. I cannot imagine what is it like to live with only half of my body! Health professionals call it right neglect. However, you are doing wonderfully! In the Spring, you were not able to walk more than 50 meters with the aid of a walker. Now you can take long walks from the house to the park and back (about 1 Km.)
I have to say that I liked your half smiles but I won't miss them, I can't even imitate them. I am thrilled with your full smiles and the laughter, which indicates that one of the functions damaged by the aneurysm -understanding of humour- has been rewired and now is operational.
Thank God! because one of the things that I fell in love with was your smiles.-Fede
****************
October 6
Dear Jan
Every other Friday we have a very dear friend and mentor for dinner, we talk, we laugh and then we watch a movie. Amazing friendship, unforgetable conversation, and above all, the wonder and gratitude we experience when you discuss topics, introduce your point of view, tell me on my face that that is my version and that I am most likely wrong, and then hear you say that you cannot yet talk... Imagine!That short term memory is getting a boost.
I notice that at the end of the movies you can recall the scenes and most of the conversations. Sometimes I play by changing the plot, or by inventing alternative endings, but you keep me right on line with the movie.
One word describes my reaction to these months of remaking the functions of your brain: wonder. Between you and God that brain has rebuilt and rewired so much! You are truly a wonder.
-Fede
************************
October 4
Dear Jan
Even though the aneurysm happened in your brain, its effects have been wide and reached many people. Your brain injury had ripple effects through the communities that know you. You are a people person; you have so many friends that I have lost the count. I hope these lines tell you of how your friends showed their love for you.
I have seen many of them at the hospitals. On the second night after your operation, the Runnymede community came to the hospital to spend the whole night praying for you and supporting the family. Linda and Joy spent the whole first night in the ICU with us. One day during the second month, a large group of the Milton community came to the hospital see you, that day you were not in a good shape and the community just met in the chapel. I remember that Jim shared with us that day a message he had received for you: “that all that it’s Jan’s will be restored”. Friends from Oakville, Lindsay, Orillia, Toronto, and even those in other provinces and countries were touched by your aneurysm, many of them continued through the weeks that became months, their loyal support. Dad came from Mexico with Beto, my sisters from Spain and Florida, and there are those like D. Scott who has been faithfully driving you to the hospital once a week, months after. I know you don't remember most of it, but know that they were there by your side physically and in prayers.
It is like the aneurysm really was a collective event, shared by many in prayers, bringing lunches to the hospital, talking to you, promising to help you in practical ways in the long term. What a wonderful community of friends you have!
The effects for me have been of a life-changing nature. On days when I think I have seen them all, something happens that makes me realize that I haven’t seen the last ripple yet.
These days you are changing medication for the third time. The change has made you very irritable and sensitive. Well, you were sensitive before but this is just magnified. Then, combine that with my insensitivity and block-headedness and you have a highly volatile situation. In the past two weeks you have said that you will leave about two dozen times, you have ostracized me countless times, and even yesterday you had again a match with the surgeon because he was asking me questions instead of asking you. The laconic answer from the surgeon sums up well my options: “you’ll have to put up with it”.
Ripple effects, long reaching, fill my days and make me sing a song happy and blue, hopeful and puzzled, all at once. Ripple effects that send us up and down in this ocean of time and unearth the true nature of love and pain. Ripple effects that brought closer true friends and left other lost in the misty nature the past.
Fede
My loved Jan,
You decided not to go to "Sunday Night". Everyone missed you.
I am overwhelmed to hear that you are so present in so many hearts... but I am not surprised because you know how to be a friend. You take the risks in the name of friendship of opening up, following up, giving and sometimes not getting anything in return. That is the mystery of friendship, no one knows who will be your closes friend in the next five or ten years. It just happens. But for people like yourself, it seems easier. And as the saying goes: "a friend in need is a friend indeed", you have received so much love from your friends since the aneurysm, and the whole community keeps you in their prayers.
Your decision not to go was fatigue. All of us know that this will be one of the most lasting symptoms of your healing. The brain seem to use so much of the energy that your stamina just drops like a stone in the river. One minute you are engaged in lively discussion, the next you are without energy. Is it the medication? But then again, without it the risks seem greater. What a conundrum!
-Fede
*********************
October 11
Dear Jan,
You've been having a rough start of the week. First, there was a big "kafuffle" with our passenger on the way to the Thanksgiving dinner in Barrie. Something said that you took as a criticism ignited a very emotional response from you. I am sorry that it took away some of the happiness from the dinner.
I am more intrigued with how your perception is affected when you are under stress. It is as if your brain decided what you hear regardless of what your interlocutor says. I was more concerned that when we discussed the issue the following day under a more friendly and relaxed atmosphere, you still denied the content of the conversation. Something in the comprehension of spoken speech is still under repair... I write this to remind you that we all love you anyways, regardless of the miscommunications and perceived impatience from our part that you experience... I am the first culprit on this one, but I also have more practice in not taking your reactions personally, but rather as a product of the current healing that its going on in your brain. Others are learning the "occupational risks" of providing support of getting close to you. I really admire and deeply thank those friends with whom you feel accepted and have wonderful conversations, in particular those who come on regular basis to keep you company. God bless them all.
On another topic, I imagine these thousands of microscopic "Fragglerock-like" creatures in their overalls, all wearing their safety helmets and steel-toe boots, moving up and down the ladders and scaffolding, reconnecting the broken neuropaths and replacing the damaged neurons... It is really a miracle what is happening inside your brain.
So, I pray that the love expressed in so many ways by all your friends can contribute also to the healing.
-Fede
*************
October 8
Dear Jan,
Yesterday we went for brunch with Steve and Sue. You had the Eggs Benedict that you liked (more evidence of your memory) from the last time we went with them about a month ago.You laugh a lot now with both sides of your mouth. Until recently, the right side of your body has been dormant. All the muscles are fine, but the brain is still working on connecting sensation and control. I cannot imagine what is it like to live with only half of my body! Health professionals call it right neglect. However, you are doing wonderfully! In the Spring, you were not able to walk more than 50 meters with the aid of a walker. Now you can take long walks from the house to the park and back (about 1 Km.)
I have to say that I liked your half smiles but I won't miss them, I can't even imitate them. I am thrilled with your full smiles and the laughter, which indicates that one of the functions damaged by the aneurysm -understanding of humour- has been rewired and now is operational.
Thank God! because one of the things that I fell in love with was your smiles.-Fede
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October 6
Dear Jan
Every other Friday we have a very dear friend and mentor for dinner, we talk, we laugh and then we watch a movie. Amazing friendship, unforgetable conversation, and above all, the wonder and gratitude we experience when you discuss topics, introduce your point of view, tell me on my face that that is my version and that I am most likely wrong, and then hear you say that you cannot yet talk... Imagine!That short term memory is getting a boost.
I notice that at the end of the movies you can recall the scenes and most of the conversations. Sometimes I play by changing the plot, or by inventing alternative endings, but you keep me right on line with the movie.
One word describes my reaction to these months of remaking the functions of your brain: wonder. Between you and God that brain has rebuilt and rewired so much! You are truly a wonder.
-Fede
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October 4
Dear Jan
Even though the aneurysm happened in your brain, its effects have been wide and reached many people. Your brain injury had ripple effects through the communities that know you. You are a people person; you have so many friends that I have lost the count. I hope these lines tell you of how your friends showed their love for you.
I have seen many of them at the hospitals. On the second night after your operation, the Runnymede community came to the hospital to spend the whole night praying for you and supporting the family. Linda and Joy spent the whole first night in the ICU with us. One day during the second month, a large group of the Milton community came to the hospital see you, that day you were not in a good shape and the community just met in the chapel. I remember that Jim shared with us that day a message he had received for you: “that all that it’s Jan’s will be restored”. Friends from Oakville, Lindsay, Orillia, Toronto, and even those in other provinces and countries were touched by your aneurysm, many of them continued through the weeks that became months, their loyal support. Dad came from Mexico with Beto, my sisters from Spain and Florida, and there are those like D. Scott who has been faithfully driving you to the hospital once a week, months after. I know you don't remember most of it, but know that they were there by your side physically and in prayers.
It is like the aneurysm really was a collective event, shared by many in prayers, bringing lunches to the hospital, talking to you, promising to help you in practical ways in the long term. What a wonderful community of friends you have!
The effects for me have been of a life-changing nature. On days when I think I have seen them all, something happens that makes me realize that I haven’t seen the last ripple yet.
These days you are changing medication for the third time. The change has made you very irritable and sensitive. Well, you were sensitive before but this is just magnified. Then, combine that with my insensitivity and block-headedness and you have a highly volatile situation. In the past two weeks you have said that you will leave about two dozen times, you have ostracized me countless times, and even yesterday you had again a match with the surgeon because he was asking me questions instead of asking you. The laconic answer from the surgeon sums up well my options: “you’ll have to put up with it”.
Ripple effects, long reaching, fill my days and make me sing a song happy and blue, hopeful and puzzled, all at once. Ripple effects that send us up and down in this ocean of time and unearth the true nature of love and pain. Ripple effects that brought closer true friends and left other lost in the misty nature the past.
Fede
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