Sunday, October 29, 2006

Going home

Oct 27
Dear Jan,

You are so full of expectation for the dance next week, hoping that you will see all of your friends there, that after a hard day yesterday, your smile just brightens my day. It is wonderful to see you on the phone leaving messages to your friends about the dance, explaining the purpose of the event, encouraging them not to miss the chance to come to enjoy an evening with you. The difference between your speech today compared to where you were five months ago is just unbelievable.

I hope many of your friends will come and have the opportunity to see the miracle you are.

I am thankful for days like this, when we get a break from pain.


Oct 26

Dear Jan,
Our hearts broke last night.

We know life is not meant to be easy or free of pain, anybody who says so is misguided or lying. But life is also not only hardships; no one could survive it if there was no respite. We all need of God's grace and comfort to give our hearts some hope to go on living the day-to-day life. We know that under hardship faith becomes handy. I know your faith is also evident in the good and bright days. But last night we just couldn't find the light... we couldn't reach some peace. Yesterday was a rough sea full of frustration, high waves that tossed us around like leaves. We know that all this is temporary, that the suffering has and end, that it builds character, that we just have to hang on and have enough faith to go through it. We know all this, but in the middle of it, nothing makes sense and we just wanted it to end... You went to bed crying of fatigue and frustration. I always fell clumsy and at a loss of words when you cry, but I tried to tell you some comforting words. Then you said that you wanted to go home, that you could not take it anymore. I told you that you were in your home and you replied, "I want to go to home with God" I froze. I was desperately looking for something intelligent to say but felt like I was the one with aphasia; I just couldn't find what to tell you. Finally, I said, "I am sorry to see you so sad, I can't imagine how tired of all this you must feel to want to go home"; you said, "thank you". I took a deep breath very relieved and we continued talking for a while. You felt heard and I felt included in your pain, we both felt embraced by each other, and we both cried. We knew that the pain was still there, the feeling to go home was still there, but somehow we also knew that whether God decided to take you home or leave you here for a while longer we had each other in the meantime.

Yes, your pain broke my heart and yours.

This morning we pieced our hearts together and with a little spark of hope, we thanked God for giving us another day...


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