Dear Jan:
You are very familiar with pain. You wake up with pain, you take your breakfast and the medication reminds you of pain, you go through the motions of the day and the constant presence of a dull pain forces you to cry, to slow down, to struggle with the movements of life. I am surprised of how valiantly you set aside this pain and sometimes enjoy life.
Many people have discussed the nature or the reason of pain. Take for example the book of Job from the Bible where the reason for pain is a bet between God and the devil; or take any article from an American newspaper where you can see that the main reason for their fear is the pain they remember from 9/11.
Pain, fear, dissapointment, sadness. If we go beyond trying to assign guilt, we are left with a question about what is the purpose of this pain in your life? How are we supposed to understand the tremendous disruption of our lives as a result of the aneurysm? And, I don't mean only the physical pain, because there is a sustantial emotional and spiritual pain that has been part of our lives.
I read a dozen books on pain in life. But this does not alleviate the experience of pain, it just provides a framework to answer the big questions. The irony is that it is the small questions, the constant dull pain, is what breaks the soul and the resilience.
A poet said that love and pain are the two wings of life. Lesson one is that you can't have one without the other.
Lesson two, is that however despicable and horrendous is the experience of pain, it can produce a beautiful character or a bitter attitude.
How paradoxical!
-Fede
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Fotos
Dear Jan:
Here is another picture from the dance:
We went to Lindsay on Friday to make some minor improvements to the kitchen. It was a long day for you. at the end your body was just refusing to even walk from the car to the apartment. It is so easy to forget that your energy sets imposes sharp limits to your working time. The house is not selling, so we will have to re-list it with a new price. I wonder what the lesson is about the house. You said,"wouldn't it be nice if we lived here and you commuted to work?" but we both know that the cost is too high.
Yesterday we decided to finish a project started before the aneurysm: to complete the upholstering of two old arm chairs. You were having fun choosing fabrics and directing the work. We'll see the results...
-Fede
Thursday, November 16, 2006
A note from Angela
Hello Everyone
This is Angela (Jan’s cousin). Wasn’t that a party!!!
On Sunday my husband Barry and I had lunch with Jan & Fede. We went down to deliver the proceeds from last weekend. Jan was thrilled with the results and so were we. Together with the help of so many people we raised $4558.23 so far. I say so far because there is still money coming in.
If you didn’t get a chance to donate and would still like to, please mail cheques payable to:
Janice M. Walton de Carrillo
c/o 80 North Heigts Road,
Toronto, ON M9B 2T8
This would not have been possible without so much help from friends and family. Jan has some great friends and I feel privileged to have worked with them on this dance. Orest you have the biggest heart in the world. I could not possibly name all the people who gave so freely of themselves. Jan, you are truly blessed to have so many people who love you. Kate I will never forget you!
I must say that I am proud to be a “Walton”. We don’t see each other near as often as we should but when this family was called upon we were all there supporting each other. Thank you so much to my fellow Walton’s. A special thank you to my sister Tina and her family, couldn’t have done it without you. A special thanks also goes out to my precious mother, Lil, you worked tirelessly as usual and gave so much of yourself.
To every person who donated items, donated time, and donated money, thank you so much for your generosity. Money is necessary in this world, that is a reality, but the most important thing in life is Love. More than anything I wanted Jan to feel loved. I believe that she was overwhelmed with Love. You are all responsible for that, Thank you!
-Angela
This is Angela (Jan’s cousin). Wasn’t that a party!!!
On Sunday my husband Barry and I had lunch with Jan & Fede. We went down to deliver the proceeds from last weekend. Jan was thrilled with the results and so were we. Together with the help of so many people we raised $4558.23 so far. I say so far because there is still money coming in.
If you didn’t get a chance to donate and would still like to, please mail cheques payable to:
Janice M. Walton de Carrillo
c/o 80 North Heigts Road,
Toronto, ON M9B 2T8
This would not have been possible without so much help from friends and family. Jan has some great friends and I feel privileged to have worked with them on this dance. Orest you have the biggest heart in the world. I could not possibly name all the people who gave so freely of themselves. Jan, you are truly blessed to have so many people who love you. Kate I will never forget you!
I must say that I am proud to be a “Walton”. We don’t see each other near as often as we should but when this family was called upon we were all there supporting each other. Thank you so much to my fellow Walton’s. A special thank you to my sister Tina and her family, couldn’t have done it without you. A special thanks also goes out to my precious mother, Lil, you worked tirelessly as usual and gave so much of yourself.
To every person who donated items, donated time, and donated money, thank you so much for your generosity. Money is necessary in this world, that is a reality, but the most important thing in life is Love. More than anything I wanted Jan to feel loved. I believe that she was overwhelmed with Love. You are all responsible for that, Thank you!
-Angela
9 months after an aneurysm
Dear Jan:
This week is nine months since an aneurysm ruptured in your brain, destroying with a massive bleeding the language centre, and later reaching the back cavity affecting the short term memory. After two operations in two days the medical team gave us a bleak description of where you were. They said that you probably had lost your first language, that probably you would be hemiplegic, for the rest of your life. They didn't know the type of person you are...
It's been seven months since you were transfered from the hospital where you were operated to a rehabilitation hospital where they began the long process of reconstructing language, intentional thinking and movement in your right side. It's been five months since you were sent home to continue SLT, OT and PT as an out-patient in the same hospital.
Earlier today we run into a former co-worker at a store. She was very surprised to see you so slim and to hear your story. She mentioned that one of her cousins, 31 years old, died of an aneurysm last year, in her eyes, you are a walking miracle because you are doing so well in such a short time:
-you have recovered more than 70% of movement in your right side, you can eat, write and hold things with your right hand and your right leg functions at 80% of its capacity.
-your language skills are far better than what they were four months ago, your capacity to recall words is doubling every month and your pronunciation and grammar are improving substantially. In a good day your language is at 75%.
Your rehab program will come to a close in the next couple of weeks. Now, you will have to continue on your own. So far you have demonstrated a lot of resilience and determination to get where you are. You have been already in conversations with health professionals that will guide you in your search for applications of glucoscience to your recovery. They told us a while back that these treatment is costly and not covered by the provincial health insurance paid for by our tax dollars. That is why the fundraiser was so important for you. The aprox. $4,600 collected will go towards that treatment. It is moving to see so many people giving freely and lovingly to help you in your recovery.
On the down side, you have had a lot of trouble with the side effects of medication to control the seizures that were caused by the operation when your bone plates where replaced in June. Dizziness, depression, irritability and who knows what else these drugs cause in your body are tough challenges to face. Add to that the expected fatigue that is part of the healing process and you have a lot of aggravation and frustration for feeling drugged up all day. You will have to flex the muscle of your faith so that the seizures stop all together and the fatigue grows smaller until it dissapears sooner.
You have come a long way! Many people have been with you shoulder to shoulder all the way. Keep up the good fight to get back all of the functions affected.
For what is worth, we send you our love,
-Fede
This week is nine months since an aneurysm ruptured in your brain, destroying with a massive bleeding the language centre, and later reaching the back cavity affecting the short term memory. After two operations in two days the medical team gave us a bleak description of where you were. They said that you probably had lost your first language, that probably you would be hemiplegic, for the rest of your life. They didn't know the type of person you are...
It's been seven months since you were transfered from the hospital where you were operated to a rehabilitation hospital where they began the long process of reconstructing language, intentional thinking and movement in your right side. It's been five months since you were sent home to continue SLT, OT and PT as an out-patient in the same hospital.
Earlier today we run into a former co-worker at a store. She was very surprised to see you so slim and to hear your story. She mentioned that one of her cousins, 31 years old, died of an aneurysm last year, in her eyes, you are a walking miracle because you are doing so well in such a short time:
-you have recovered more than 70% of movement in your right side, you can eat, write and hold things with your right hand and your right leg functions at 80% of its capacity.
-your language skills are far better than what they were four months ago, your capacity to recall words is doubling every month and your pronunciation and grammar are improving substantially. In a good day your language is at 75%.
Your rehab program will come to a close in the next couple of weeks. Now, you will have to continue on your own. So far you have demonstrated a lot of resilience and determination to get where you are. You have been already in conversations with health professionals that will guide you in your search for applications of glucoscience to your recovery. They told us a while back that these treatment is costly and not covered by the provincial health insurance paid for by our tax dollars. That is why the fundraiser was so important for you. The aprox. $4,600 collected will go towards that treatment. It is moving to see so many people giving freely and lovingly to help you in your recovery.
On the down side, you have had a lot of trouble with the side effects of medication to control the seizures that were caused by the operation when your bone plates where replaced in June. Dizziness, depression, irritability and who knows what else these drugs cause in your body are tough challenges to face. Add to that the expected fatigue that is part of the healing process and you have a lot of aggravation and frustration for feeling drugged up all day. You will have to flex the muscle of your faith so that the seizures stop all together and the fatigue grows smaller until it dissapears sooner.
You have come a long way! Many people have been with you shoulder to shoulder all the way. Keep up the good fight to get back all of the functions affected.
For what is worth, we send you our love,
-Fede
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