Drop a line to Jan!

Happy New Year to each and everyone!

Would you drop a line to Jan next time you read this blog?
It will tell Jan that although she is not seen around often, you still think of her a lot.

If you wish to send her an email use her new address:

janitawalton@gmail.com


FC

PS: Ah! don't foget to write your email or phone number -if they have changed- for her new address book.

New year, new light

Dear Jan,

We have lived a year full of danger and challenge together and we choose to believe that we are better now than last year. We know more about the paradoxical nature of life: we have been soaked in pain, near death, doubt, speechlessness, and dark valleys, yet, it has been there that we have experienced first hand, selfless love, iridescent light, endless grace, strong support, tender comfort, unshakable faith, and most paradoxically, the presence of God in a way we haven't experienced before.

You have seen death face to face. You were technically death for ten days had it not been for a respirator machine that kept you going, yet, in the very edge of life, we were confronted with our most basic beliefs, with our most fundamental hopes; our most basic relationships were tested. And now we know that the beauty of life resides in the vast array of relationships we have, most importantly, in the type of relationship we have with God and with ourselves. We know that pain, loss, sadness, anger and even death are very much an integral part of life. That without them we would not understand joy or peace, or love, or the essential lightness of being alive.

At times, we have been weak, without any strength left to continue or any hope to look up and see the light, and yet, it was in the recognition of our weakness that we found strength in God. When we couldn't hope or take the next step, others did the believing and the walking. When we did not have the strength to reach out, the Master reached out himself and touched us in a thousand ways. We learned that this strength is born inside of us when we have internalized our faith in him and let it bond with each cell of our selves, letting the Creator live in us and through us. We learned that the strength to live life fully comes from both, the inside and the outside, that the myth of superman or superwoman are just that: a myth. We found out an endless source of strength and hope in our community. We learned that we are only as strong as our links with them and our link with God.

You lost your capacity to speak, to sing, to write, to read. You lost your most fundamental tools to be a teacher. It took you six months to be able to read at second grade level, four months to be able to walk like a toddler, eight months to be able to ride in the subway by yourself. Nevertheless, it was in this time without words when family and commmunity wrote and spoke with words of granite the language of love. Now, almost eleven months after your aneurysm, you are gaining up on the aphasia, your vocabulary is larger, your energy is higher, your memory is improving, dozens, maybe hundreds of people have reached out and touched our lives in such a way that the temporary losses you have pale compared to the lessons of practical love you have received.

We could see the ending year as a half empty glass and cry over the lost opportunities, lost income, lost time, lost conversations; but we choose to see it as a glass that is being filled, we choose to be glad for the lessons learned, the love poured, the light shared, the help received. This is how we want to name life, to speak out its goodness, to be happy with the circumstances that instead of becoming prisons, can serve us as a step to see higher and farther.

We know that the Master was every step of the way with us through this year, and that we can count with his presence during the next year as well, we know this from experience. We choose to finish the year knowing rather than doubting, hoping rather than despairing, thanking rather than badmouthing. We choose to look forward to getting more light, more love, more joy so we can share all of them more with a world that is getting too dark.

-FC



A note from Jan:

During 2006, I confirmed that the most important thing for me is to be in relationship with God, to walk with him hand in hand. God comes to us and gives himself to us. We give our lives helping others but still the most important thing in my life is God himself. He has helped me get through all the challenges I had to face. For this I am thankful. I love you all.

A Christmas note

Christmas is the time we celebrate the light. Life has become dark because of our collective selfishness. The Creator saw the darkness up close and decided to help us bring the light back again. One day, he decided to come in the form of a little boy and live with us, eat with us, feel cold and hungry and sad like us. Because of the birth of this little boy named Jesus, the light can be lit again in everyone's hearts. We have decided to lit the light and let it shine. It is this light that guided Jan from death's dark edge in a comma back to life. It is this light that keeps Jan's hopes high. In this light I find strength to believe in Jan's healing day by day.

It doesn't matter if you believe in this light the same way we do. Light is light. This Christmas we invite you to join us in the celebration of all that his light represents, believe with us that goodness, peace, joy and love can shine in everyone's hearts if we would give it a chance, believe that we can love one another. Then we would have a world full of light and love.

Thank you for all you do for us and all you are to us.

Many blessings this Christmas

Fede and Jan
Christmas 2006

Awakening

Dear Jan:

Last week was a mix of welcomed changes and some of the old stuff. You began the alternative treatment and almost at the same time you began experiencing some pain. We were told this is supposed to be part of the healing process, those connecting neuropaths in your body are reacting as they come together.

Yesterday morning, you picked up the phone and went on to have a perfect conversation with no hesitation or words missing. It was no more than 4 or 5 minutes, but at the end of the call you came to where I was shaving, looked at me wide-eyed and said: "what did just happen?", you knew that something was different, that you had talked just as you did a year ago.

When you tried to explain you feelings about this, you began hesitating again and the aphasia showed its face again. For a few minutes you had a wonderful awakening of your speech function, and it felt so good that you could not stop laughing for a while.

Later that day we told the doctor what had happened and he shared in the enthusiasm. He said, he was expecting these awakenings to start happening but not this soon. So he was pleased.

But as the light has to share the day with the darkness, your day ended in a bit of pain and extreme fatigue. It is as if your energy bucket would just last you for a few hours and then, suddenly your body just shuts down. Before the aneurysm, you lived fast; what you have to face today is a universe apart, but you have been patient and continue walking by faith. For you it is not a matter of if, but of when you will be able to go through a day just like before: full of energy and joy.

Just like the eagle you are, one day you will soar again. Today, your brief awakening calls for a celebration.


-Fede