Boxed-In

We have been living in boxes for the past three or so weeks in preparation for the move. It's been an exciting time (to say the least) complete with all the suspense and unexpected turns that one can think of. Thankfully, we are two days away and then the unpacking will take some time before we can get back to "normality". Word has gotten around about the move and the always ready to help friends have already called in to enlist. Thanks!

We will be moving on Monday, the weekend move didn't work out. But some will come to help get things ready and move some delicate things like plants, frames and the like. I get the impression that this is like party time for Jan. Most of her friends get the impression that she is specializing in moving (4 times in 24 months!)

Jan has been extraordinary in the process. She puts in long days selecting, throwing away, an packing what's left, in spite of the headaches she has for the last few weeks. The headaches seem to be related to the "loose" bones in her let side, which will be replaced with the operation.

She has been struggling with strong headaches. The family doctor was advised but only under pressure she proceeded with a referral to a neurologist to follow Jan's situation. The health system ("illness system" rather) only acts when there is an illness or a catastrophe, if the patients looks more or less OK, then it just becomes

Yesterday we went to the hospital for a CT scan in preparation for her surgery. The whole process took no more than 10 minutes from registration to the good-bye. It was so efficient that she didn't have time to complain.

The past few weeks have been rough in terms of emotional reactivity. Anything can trigger strong reactions; right after, she is left totally drained and dizzy. It is hard to witness and be part of these events. I too, feel drained and worry about the impact on her healing. Her personality seems to be magnified by the process, and communication is seriously affected by the aphasia, which makes things more difficult than the normal maneuvering through the days. I appreciate very deeply all the support from family and friends in these trying times.

Someone asked me about my outlook of these process, and I had to dig deep inside to answer that this is about character formation, which starts with keeping the promises I made to her at our wedding. If I told her that I would love her in any circumstances, then, I better start meaning what I say and saying what I mean. It is not easy on a day to day basis to remember what I pledged her, sometimes my feelings scream the opposite, but I have learned some time ago that love is more than a feeling, it is commitment, patience, hope and all the other things listed in a previous blog. In a crisis, after all the pain, frustration, doubt and half-cooked conclusions have subsided, there is a strong sense of purpose beyond our circumstances that keeps us going.

One day I will have more time to explaing this purpose, for now I have to go back to the boxes...

Fede