Sunday, December 07, 2008

The effects of a seizure

Jan had another seizure yesterday (Saturday). This is the first one that happened during the night. I didn't know about it until the morning, when she called me with a weakened voice that revealed the seizure. Usually, she loses consciousness for about 30 minutes and for the next 6 to 12 hours she feels very weak, her speech is greatly affected and her mobility reduced.

The image I get is like the one I saw in the hospital, a month after the stroke. My feelings go aback to the feelings I had in those early days. I thought that with time I would become used to seeing her struggle with less functions and energy as she continues to heal; but every time she has a seizure, I silently groan swamped by an endless feeling of powerlessness.

I pray for help, for strength, but I feel my prayers don’t go past the roof. Where does this end? I ask, if there was a lesson on brokenness and being humble, I already am on the floor! How much lower do I have to go?

Then, I read in the kitchen wall a sign: “I can do all things in Christ”.

I pick the pieces of my broken self and go back to help Jan tie her shoes, because she wants to go to the garage...


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