Saturday, December 13, 2008

The gooder days and the badder days

As the closest person to Jan, the greatest challenge I have is to keep a healthy balance between my emotions and my commitments. We have told each other repeatedly that we will stick together through the thick and thin of this lengthy process of healing. I have told her many times that I love her no matter what. I think that we like each other most of the time. Nevertheless, there are times when I ask myself what did I get into?; how am I going to make it one, two, three or more years?; how can I be there for her in a way that she recognizes it as caring?; where will I find the fortitude of spirit that this requires?.

This week seems to be one of the badder times. I allowed the difficulties in our communications, get in the way of responding to her needs in a positive and validating way.

I recognize something that people call destiny: from the depths of God's love, I was destined to partake of this bitter cup with Jan. I have grown as a man, she has grown as a woman. Both have grown as children of God.

This week seems to be appropriate to be in expectation of something to happen that will lessen the pain... a star shining over a small town, a child being born to save and heal, a light to stop forever death and darkness.

In the middle of my darkness, I search for light in the face of a child.


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