Jan was writing the fifth page of words, I suppose this was her homework. It was past 8pm, and the rest of the hospital was already quiet. She seemed very calm and centered. Her words were carefully selected. On occasion she would miss the odd one and she would gesture with her face and say, Oh, man! She said she was glad to see me. She didn't expect to see me today again. It was almost two days, she said, since the last time we saw each other. She asked me to show her my watch, and said the time correctly.
We went for a walk, she walks with certainty and balance, her motions are slow, but fluid. She moves like a feather caught in a light breeze.
We talked a bit about the weekend. She was very clear about how it went the wrong way, and how this does not need to happen. We laughed and hugged. She was beaming again.
-fede
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Theocratic life
Journey of a Creative Playful Explorer: "received an email from my church mailing list. It was a prayer request for another family that just recently and suddenly lost a member to an aneurysm. [....]
Thanks for your comment about the blog yesterday. It was just a postcard of my feelings.
...
I found your questions about life and death very intriguing. I do not see both as the result of some democratic process, but rather both appear to me as the instances in which we are the most powerless and on which we have the least say. Life and death are both gifts. Birth: The gift of entering this reality to experience the good and the bad. Death, the gift of entering another reality loaded with the experiences we collected from life.
One dies of aneurysm, another survives. One had completed the journey the other still has more time to go. I don't need to believe that God decides when someone is born or someone dies. It is just part of the package, everyone has to touch both ends of the wrapping. How we are born or die must be last in God's list, God must be more interested in how we lived the time we were given, how we filled our days, how we learned to relate to ourselves, to others, to God.
We choose to feel sad in front of death. But by the same token I could choose to feel sad in front of life when it has been stripped of the most important tools the made Jan who she is. Suddenly a brave, intelligent and articulate woman is sent back to grade 1 and has to relearn to rad, write and speak! I rather choose to feel grateful for both, because both are only as relevant as the parenthesis characters envolving a central idea.
But then again, maybe I am totally wrong.
Fede
Thanks for your comment about the blog yesterday. It was just a postcard of my feelings.
...
I found your questions about life and death very intriguing. I do not see both as the result of some democratic process, but rather both appear to me as the instances in which we are the most powerless and on which we have the least say. Life and death are both gifts. Birth: The gift of entering this reality to experience the good and the bad. Death, the gift of entering another reality loaded with the experiences we collected from life.
One dies of aneurysm, another survives. One had completed the journey the other still has more time to go. I don't need to believe that God decides when someone is born or someone dies. It is just part of the package, everyone has to touch both ends of the wrapping. How we are born or die must be last in God's list, God must be more interested in how we lived the time we were given, how we filled our days, how we learned to relate to ourselves, to others, to God.
We choose to feel sad in front of death. But by the same token I could choose to feel sad in front of life when it has been stripped of the most important tools the made Jan who she is. Suddenly a brave, intelligent and articulate woman is sent back to grade 1 and has to relearn to rad, write and speak! I rather choose to feel grateful for both, because both are only as relevant as the parenthesis characters envolving a central idea.
But then again, maybe I am totally wrong.
Fede
Monday, May 01, 2006
If my heart was a river
If my heart was a river, it would bear no scars, it would embrace the rocks, turn, roll and explode in a joyful laughter disipated in white foam.
If my heart was a river, it would bear no scars when the curious child sent that flat-rounded stone skipping over the surface, leaving ever growing rings, soon to be hidden in the memory of its flow.
If my heart was a river, it would bear no scars, when my love dipped her feet in its waters to cool her day, or when she raised her voice to stop its flow, or when she mixed her tears with my waves.
But my heart is not a river, it bears scars as if it was wearing the fingerprints of life.
---------
Today, I can't report how Jan is doing because I didn't get to see her. Sorry if you feel dissapointed, I feel cheated too.
FC
If my heart was a river, it would bear no scars when the curious child sent that flat-rounded stone skipping over the surface, leaving ever growing rings, soon to be hidden in the memory of its flow.
If my heart was a river, it would bear no scars, when my love dipped her feet in its waters to cool her day, or when she raised her voice to stop its flow, or when she mixed her tears with my waves.
But my heart is not a river, it bears scars as if it was wearing the fingerprints of life.
---------
Today, I can't report how Jan is doing because I didn't get to see her. Sorry if you feel dissapointed, I feel cheated too.
FC
UNDERSTANDING APHASIA
Re-run of notes on Aphasia (I have applied the text to Jan)
-Aphasia is a language disorder in which Jan's capacity to read, write, speak or understand the speech of others is impaired.
-Aphasia occurred when the language centre of Jan's brain was damaged as a result of her acquired brain injury (her surgery).
-Jan still have her intelligence and creativity intact. She knows what she wants to say but has trouble getting the words out and making sense of the words she hears or sees.
-Not two individuals with Aphasia are alike and therefore, recovery patterns are unique and unpredictable.
-Aphasia can occur on its own, but in Jan’s case, it occurred also with mild Apraxia of speech (her speaking process is jumbled), and possibly some Dysarthria (weakness of the speech muscles) and difficulty with memory and word finding.
-Communication problems as a result of Aphasia can affect Jan’s well-being and self-confidence. Sometimes, she may feel depressed, upset, frustrated, bored, confused, and angry. When she is rested she seems to be in good spirit, but becomes tired quickly.
-Jan’s Aphasia affects the whole family.
There are more that 40 thousand people in Ontario affected by Aphasia."
-Aphasia is a language disorder in which Jan's capacity to read, write, speak or understand the speech of others is impaired.
-Aphasia occurred when the language centre of Jan's brain was damaged as a result of her acquired brain injury (her surgery).
-Jan still have her intelligence and creativity intact. She knows what she wants to say but has trouble getting the words out and making sense of the words she hears or sees.
-Not two individuals with Aphasia are alike and therefore, recovery patterns are unique and unpredictable.
-Aphasia can occur on its own, but in Jan’s case, it occurred also with mild Apraxia of speech (her speaking process is jumbled), and possibly some Dysarthria (weakness of the speech muscles) and difficulty with memory and word finding.
-Communication problems as a result of Aphasia can affect Jan’s well-being and self-confidence. Sometimes, she may feel depressed, upset, frustrated, bored, confused, and angry. When she is rested she seems to be in good spirit, but becomes tired quickly.
-Jan’s Aphasia affects the whole family.
There are more that 40 thousand people in Ontario affected by Aphasia."
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