Friday, September 01, 2006

Incomplete

Remember to read the blog from August 30 about the Benefit Dance.


Dear Jan,

You can talk at so many levels of conversation and use such a ample range of concepts that I often forget that you are struggling with Aphasia. The other night LL came for dinner and to warch a movie with us. You were so pleased and relaxed. You helped set up the table and explain the food in a very complete way. Then we watched an insightful movie about the need to find in yourself the drive to excel in life. LL commented after the movie that we are incomplete by design so we can go back to the designer to continue the life-long process of becoming more complete. You were so enthusiastic with your comments that not even the language breakdowns could stop you from participating. I enjoy so much watching you interact with your visiting friends. I wished that this was the tone of all of our interactions.

Nevertheless, the next morning at breakfast I experienced the exact opposite when I served some yogurt whitout asking first if you wanted some. You pushed the container and said 'NO, NO, NO! I always have told you so' in a loud voice. I replied impatiently: 'at least you could be more polite and say 'no, thanks' . What followed was a sample of how each of us brought our own incompleteness to the relationship and could have wrecked the whole day if we didn't become conscious of the needs of the other before reacting. We pushed each other's buttons and the trip to the hospital was made in complete silence.

I know that part of the healing is the magnification of emotions. I know that it is not your heart but a broken brain that is talking. I know I don't need to personalize your reactions; instead I need to reground myself and read in between the lines. I know. I know... but tiredness or frustration or feeling not valued in my efforts to feed you just hit me the wrong way.

And so the incompleteness became very apparent. You have an excuse. I don't.

If it wasn't for the love and the grace that we extend to each other after a "cooling time", I don't know how else we would be able to survive.

I suspect that frustration is part of living with others. Only the hermits don't have someone else to frustrate or be ticked-off and then have the chance to forgive and love them back again. We both experience our share of frustration these days. I don't know if it will get better with time, because even the Master felt frustrated and sad with those who rejected his message. Whwat we can learn is more patience with each other.

Thank you Jan for being so aware of your part and mine and for being open to take the next step together before sending me to fly a kite.

Yes, there is still a lot to complete in your rehabilitation, and also a lot to complete in my growth as a person. On a daily basis, we both receive that extra portion of patience we need and more...

Fede

3 comments:

Ret said...

Fascinating post. Jan, I understand the frustration Fede must feel sometimes when faced with uncertainty, but this is also a time to reflect on the progress that has taken place. I am in a difficult place at the moment too, so your prayers are important to me, as I continue to pray for you too.

Last Saturday I went to the C.N.E with Mark and Janette. Dave had to work that day. I will probably never go to the C.N.E again. It was the Aspie Day from Hell and I ended up having a major meltdown due to sensory overload. I'll spare you the gory details. This was nothing compared to what was to follow...

When I got home, the first thing Dave said to me was "We've got to get me to the hospital! I can't walk." Well, Dave was in so much pain we ended up not gettng there until the following evening but his legs are infected with someting called Cellulitis. His right leg is even worse, red, swollen and covered with oozing, peeling sores. We do not know when he'll be home from the hospital or if he's coming home in one piece. All we know is that at least he's getting the best care possible and all we can really do is pray, wait and trust GOd in this situation...

LE said...

I am so sorry to hear this news Ret. You have been such a faithful blogger and real friend to Jan. We pray to the Father for healing for David's leg in particular for his physical integrity. May the Good Lord allow David to keep his leg. You too are in our prayers, so you may have rest in Him in this difficult time. Peace to you.

Fede and Jan

FC said...

I am so sorry to hear this news Ret. You have been such a faithful blogger and real friend to Jan. We pray to the Father for healing for David's leg in particular for his physical integrity. May the Good Lord allow David to keep his leg. You too are in our prayers, so you may have rest in Him in this difficult time. Peace to you.

Fede and Jan

10:52 PM