Monday, July 31, 2006

A weekend at your sister's

It's been 169 days since our "night of sorrow" started. This rich length of time is full of irony divine and human. Here are some examples:

-Some days life has been so dark and gloomy that I have seriously wondered what good can come out of this. Ironically, it's been the darkness that has allowed us to "see" more sharply the beauty of everything that comes from the light. I call this the "contrast effect". We both have experienced the presence of The Lord in a totally new way. That could not have happened if we had gone on with our comfortable and safe life. Our plans proved to be as strong as toilet paper. They needed to be shattered, shredded and toosed away in the garbage can. Our inflated self-confidence needed to be broken, our image needed a total face-lift. We were working on it, and maybe this was the only way we would listen. Jan's aneurysm demolished us, cracked many of our myths and false expectations. Our marriage was broken beyond recognition, however, we survived Paraphrasing Linda Ruth: "it is through the cracks of our broken vases that His light seeps through...". It is from a a close encounter with death that we have experienced the Lord of life.

-When I tell Jan's story and her progress, people often say: "That's an amazing story full of miracle and hope". At a first glance, I get the feeling that health and joy are the norms in life and Jan and I, are on the dark side of life with a few unfortunate fellow sojourners. But when I dig a bit further, I find that more people are in pain and facing incredible adverse circumstances, than I could have imagined. Then, I realize the irony, that we, the sufferers, the ones needing to be loved and comforted, instead, are placed in position of helping and conforting others by sharing our struggle to rebuild our shattered lives; by speaking the truth about our doubts, dissapointment, and pain. Moreover, that we are not only surviving the process, but that we have find ourselves enriched with the experience.

-From this process I can say that the greater the darkness, the brighter the light. In a very clear way I can see that when we are weak is when we are strong! ...Strange statements, isn't it? Full of irony and truth. But this is the modus operandi of the Kingdom.

On a practical note, Jan is enjoying a wonderful vacation at her sister's in a small town 80 minutes north of Toronto. On the phone, her voice sounded an octave lower, very close to what it was before. She also told me that her right hand was "coming along very fast"... Hurray for Jan! For me it is the first weekend that I didn't have to do anything. It was wonderful. Both are refreshed.


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