Surprised

Dear Jan

Last night, right after I finished posting the last blog, you arrived from your visit to Oakville. We talked a while and then we went to bed. As we were falling asleep, you turn to my side and began making strange noises and movements. It was dark, so I tought you were asking me for something. I turned the light on and then I realized you were having a seizure.

I felt as if someone would have knocked the wind out of me. Confused, I held you in my arms trying to keep your head from hitting the headboard. A sense of anger filled my chest as I thought what I could do. How much pain is enough? How much more grief does Jan have to take? Your body was rigid and trembling, your eyes were open but you were not seeing me; your pupils were dilated.

I gave you a medication and slowly the trembling diminished. I put some clothes on you and carried you to the car. Slowly we drove to St. Michael's by the lake. It was 11:47p.m.

At the emergency they were very helpfull when they saw that you were semi-unconscious. They moved you to a room called "resucitation", I don't know if it was because there were no other beds available. There, they connected you to several machines to monitor your vitals. About an hour later they took you to get a CT scan; the doctor came and examined you, then he decided to keep you for the night under observation.

I slept in two chairs for short periods of time. You were also in and out of sleep. It was 7:30 a.m. when they sent you home with indications that you will have to take the medication from which you were trying to be free. You cried out of frustration, we both were feeling defeated and tired.

The seizure came unexpectedly. We knew there was a possibility that you would have to stay in the medication for a few months. Now the prospects are that you will have to take it for life.

What to say? We lost this one. However, I am glad that there were no consequences from the seizure other than the suprise and pain, the fact that you will have to take this medication indefinitely, and being forced to spend the night at the hospital.

FC