Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Ambiguity

When Jan went back to the hospital yesterday, she was happy. Her room has become a little world with clear roles and established routines, with some control on her environment. The visit was full of anticipation and happiness, but somehow unpredicatable. At home, she struggled with the lack of bed railings, and the convenience of a hotel looking bedroom. She loved the attention from the family, but we seemed to be too much for her, so she would just tune out and sleep. The logistics were a bit challenging, but we managed, nevertheless, there was a sense of detachment from Jan we could not solve. Is it possible that Jan has become a stranger in her own home?

Everything about Jan right now seems to be in the process of becoming. A constant flux of change. Everyday brings new words, new levels of communication. Her personality sometimes seems so familiar, and then in an instant, she becomes someone else.

I spoke with the speech therapist for a long while this morning. She seems to have a limited perception of Jan's capabilities and underlined that visitors can have a great impact on Jan's development of communication skills. check in the next log more detials about this. In the mean time, I try to remember that our emotional rollercoaster cannot even come close to the struggle Jan faces everyday to come back. She said about her right hand, at the return to the hospital, "It is lost in my head, I will find it again"

All of us can help her come back and be restored.

-Fede

2 comments:

sharon said...

Dear Jan & Fede,

Fede, I can appreciate your thoughts regarding the status of the changes with Jan. I too notice that sometimes I see the same Jan by her words, expressions etc. & other times it appears that I interpret that her brain is still searching for the neuropath so a different word, expression that the real Jan comes out. I can only imagine how she feels and her struggle to be her real self again!

Jan, I am at peace because I know God is with you & guiding you to gradually recover & manage the physical & emotional changes. Step by step I know you can do it...all in time!

I love to know how I can help with her communication during my visits. I look forward to seeing Jan soon. I still have the flu & a bit of a fever so I will wait a few days so I don't spread any germs.

Jan, I love you & miss you very much!

Martha said...

Dear Jan and Fede,
I too had a long conversation with the Speech Language Pathologist after work yesterday and she gave me lots of great advice for working with Jan which I will post soon.

The main thing is for us all to keep documenting Jan's communication skills. This will help when she gets transferred to a rehab unit, so the new Speech Language Pathologist will have a record of how far she has come (because you can't document all of the communication change in the standard medical file).

It is my prayer that God will prepare a place in a rehab unit for Jan so she can move when she's ready; a rehab unit that will suit the needs of her current condition.

Peace, peace, peace,
Martha