Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Ambiguity

When Jan went back to the hospital yesterday, she was happy. Her room has become a little world with clear roles and established routines, with some control on her environment. The visit was full of anticipation and happiness, but somehow unpredicatable. At home, she struggled with the lack of bed railings, and the convenience of a hotel looking bedroom. She loved the attention from the family, but we seemed to be too much for her, so she would just tune out and sleep. The logistics were a bit challenging, but we managed, nevertheless, there was a sense of detachment from Jan we could not solve. Is it possible that Jan has become a stranger in her own home?

Everything about Jan right now seems to be in the process of becoming. A constant flux of change. Everyday brings new words, new levels of communication. Her personality sometimes seems so familiar, and then in an instant, she becomes someone else.

I spoke with the speech therapist for a long while this morning. She seems to have a limited perception of Jan's capabilities and underlined that visitors can have a great impact on Jan's development of communication skills. check in the next log more detials about this. In the mean time, I try to remember that our emotional rollercoaster cannot even come close to the struggle Jan faces everyday to come back. She said about her right hand, at the return to the hospital, "It is lost in my head, I will find it again"

All of us can help her come back and be restored.

-Fede

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