Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Part of the process

QUARTERLY

On May 10 Jan will have been away from home a full quarter. But does it really make a difference whether it is one day, or one week or one quarter? Separation under any circumstances is always painful, it is a loss, even if it is temporary. Nevertheless, I am beginning to see absence from Jan's perspective. She asked me:
What is the purpose of pain?
Then, before I could reply anything, she said:
Pain is to show you the money (how much it costs) to live or to love.
During the weekend she had been talking about the same theme: without any opposition, any gravity or any weight our muscles would atrophy; without pain, we could not understand love, peace, growth, happiness. It is not an end in itself, it is not a deviation from the path, it is just part of the process. It does not have anything to do with fairness. It just is.
Her shoulder and right arm are in pain constantly. A low intensity pain that can be put in the background for a while, but once in a while bites as a reminder of its existence. The healing in the brain brings headaches. The absence from home that is making her heart grow fonder...
We were playing cards tonight; Jan was laughing and grimacing at the same time -the frozen shoulder was a hindrance but not a total barrier for her to enjoy the evening. For one second, life seemed normal. When the nurse came to check her vitals I realized we were in a hospital room and Jan was in a process of rehabilitation.
Jan told me she would be ready on time and I have no reason to disbelieve her.

-Fede

1 comment:

sharon said...

Dear Jan,

It has been a gift to visit you for the past week in a half 3 times. Each time we share more & more with our heart to heart conversations. It's beginning to feel like old times again. I am inspired at your progress. I appreciate the way you think - sharing your wisdom, empathy of my current situation & remembering our previous conversations. For example when express my inspiration what you have gone through - you said to me not as much as I have gone through. Or how low I was feeling about my situation. You told me I was still young. You remembered things I shared about my situation from the past. I really treasure our friendship. It's amazing how much I take for granted.

You often refer to our bible for messages to me eg. darkness and light. That God has brought light into your life. I enjoy praying with you and reading from the bible. Jan I know God is with you & I too believe that there is a reason this happen.

Jan your wisdom and thinking never stops to amaze me & remind me that God is with you.

I too question the meaning of pain. I agree it's some lesson to teach about love, life, moving forward, letting go of the past, growing. I pray for your pain in your hand, shouldner, headaches - that God gives you peace.

Glad to hear you will be home in June. I sure you will find a way to continue be a teacher in a different way because I believe it's one of your gifts from God.

Fede, I enjoy reading your updates. Thanks for sharing Jan's life with us & your life together. I continue to pray for both of you daily.
I look forward to seeing you soon!
Love
Sharon