Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Bone Flap(s)

Doña Janita Walton de Carrillo. I know you love your married name, as if it every time you said it, it refreshed your memories of the incredible adventure we promised each other not long ago. It feels good to remember vows. It feels better to glue them to your own identity by adding to your name who you want to be today.

This morning you said over the phone: when are you going to start living like if you have seen the light? I was on the way to the office after dropping Omar at the airport. Sitting in the middle of gridlock traffic I pondered your words. I was happy to hear that you continue to spring so much fresh water on my days from the deep pools of your forced meditation during these past 92 days. I am certain that you have seen the light from a different perspective, from close enough to be able to smell its essence, from a place where you could just reach out and touch the other side. Near death for you was to be near the essence of life. You saw, you heard, and you remember. I benefit from this richness in your soul.

Later in the day I picked you up at the hospital. You were waiting for me at the main door, pacing up and down. We drove to the surgeon's office and met your parents, Louise and Carol at the cafeteria. You mentioned that it felt funny to be back in that building where three months earlier you were fighting for your life. We went to the appointment with the surgeon and he asked you if you wanted your flap bones back. You hesitated, Louise expressed in no uncertain terms that that you needed your bones back. Eventually you said yes. The doctor asked you to sign a consent form an announced that you will get them back next week on Thursday. Now you will have the original shape of your head back! Everyone was happy. You too. It was a strange meeting, but we all fet a sense of completion, of coming to a milestone in this rare journey of the past three months. True, there is still aphasia to think about, but for some reason it didn't seem that important then. Dr. Schwartz was very encouraging in his prognosis, both of your shoulder-right side and of the aphasia.

We went back to the hospital, and on the way the pain just got the best of you. It hurt me just to look at your suffering from so much pain, I wished I could take it away. Back at the rehab hospital they gave you some painkillers and you went to sleep. We know that these are effects of the shoulder injection from two days ago. I pray that this will pass soon.

I am glad for you Jan, I am beginning to see what you mean when you say that all of this was meant to happen...


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